Item #1287 – Publish Tintin at the Mountains of Madness

It would be fun to write and draw the thing as well but I’m not attached to that. There may be others who are better suited to the task. Herge’s style might look simple but many people have attempted it without managing to duplicate it. It takes work and practice to say so much with so few lines. To do the material justice I’d want the book to be standard size and length (60 pages?) and in color.

Item #1288 – Climb Mt. Everest

This used to be higher on my list (like there’s really a ranking system here) but as I’ve gotten older I get less interested in taking my lazy self to very cold dangerous places.

Item #1289 – Eat a Human Being

You know, luau style. Pit roasted and shared with friends. I know, the immediate reaction among polite people is to be disgusted and horrified. But think about it, there’s over six billion of the damned things on the planet. Why not eat a few of them?

I am little picky about this. I do have stipulations for the meat –

A. It be a member of the upper classes, preferably third generation or later. I know there are many more lower class folks around but if I’m going to eat a member of the dominant species on the planet I’m not interested in being halfway about it. I want to eat the most pampered and relaxed human flesh available. At the same time I can ever so slightly open up access to health and wealth for the lower classes by removing one of those that disproportionately consumes them.

B. It be young. I’m sure even rich people get stringy when they’re old. Might as well get it when its still relatively tender. This is for the luau. I’m quite willing to have older, stringier specimens smoked for jerky. Or marinated and stewed with a lot of vegetables. Nizzibet has a great beef roast recipe that could be modified for this.

C. It be male. It’s not my feminism talking here. It’s basic livestock thinning practices.

D. There is no D..

The biggest road block to fulfilling on this item is that killing another human being isn’t on my list. There are plenty of individuals that I wouldn’t mind seeing drop dead but I’m just not interested in actually making someone dead myself. I know, I know, big surprise.