Morning. Been up for a couple of hours now, surfing the internet and tending to Aged Mother. My plan to kill her is going smoothly. She eats four eggs a day. That’s twenty-eight eggs a week. With butter. “With butter” describes most of her meals. All vegetables go with butter. Sometimes butter and yogurt. All fruit goes with yogurt, occasionally with soy milk as well. She’d probably eat the fruit with butter as well if I only suggested it. I probably won’t need to. She’s asked for butter on every thing else without my prompting. One of these mornings I just know she’s going to ask for butter to go with her pears. And then she’s doomed.

(Cue manical laughter.)